Eighty-four Ways We Can Offend Our Children
by Dr. Gary Smalley
In my counseling and work with children around the country, I have asked many of them how their parents have offended them. I took their answers and compiled them. Here are some of their actual responses.
1. Lacking interest in things that are special to me
2. Breaking promises
3. Criticizing unjustly
4. Allowing my brother or sister to put me down
5. Misunderstanding my motives
6. Speaking carelessly
7. Punishing me for something for which I already had been punished
8. Telling me that my opinion doesn't really matter
9. Giving me the feeling that they never make mistakes
10. Not being gentle when pointing out my weaknesses or blind spots
11. Lecturing me and not understanding when all I need is some support
12. Never telling me "I love you;" never showing me physical affection
13. Not spending time alone with me
14. Being insensitive, rough, and breaking promises
15. Being thoughtless
16. Never telling me "thank you"
17. Not spending time together
18. Being insensitive to my trials
19. Speaking harsh words
20. Being inconsistent
21. Being taken for granted
22. Being told how to do something that I was doing on my own
23. Nagging me
24. Bossing me
25. Feeling unnoticed and unappreciated
26. Being ignored
27. Not being considered a thinking and feeling person
28. Being too busy to care for me and listen to me
29. Dismissing my needs as unimportant, especially when their work or hobby is more important
30. Bringing up old mistakes from the past to deal with present problems
31. Teasing excessively
32. Not noticing my accomplishments
33. Making tactless comments
34. Liking me only for my physical looks or abilities, instead of what's inside me
35. Not being praised and appreciated
36. Being built up and then let down
37. Getting my hopes up to do something as a family and then not following through
38. Being corrected without being reminded that they love me
39. Being disciplined in harshness and anger
40. Not reasoning with me, and never giving me an explanation of why I'm being disciplined
41. Misusing brute force
42. Reacting to me in the opposite way I think a Christian should treat me
43. Raising their voices to each other
44. Not being interested in who I am
45. Cutting down something I am doing or someone I am with as being dumb or stupid
46. Using foul language when they are upset with me
47. Being impatient, which often comes across as rudeness
48. Saying "no" without giving a reason
49. Not praising me
50. Sensing a difference between what is said with the mouth and what is said through facial expressions
51. Making sarcastic remarks about me
52. Making fun of my hopes, dreams, and accomplishments
53. Punishing me severely for something I didn't do
54. Being distracted when I really have something to say
55. Insulting me in front of others
56. Speaking before thinking through how it will affect me
57. Pressuring me when I already feel low or offended
58. Comparing me with other kids at school and telling me how wonderful they are and that they wish I could do better
59. Forcing me to argue with them when I'm really hurt inside
60. Being treated like a child
61. Not approving of what I do or how I do it; I keep trying to get their approval but they just won't give it
62. Seeing them do the very thing they tell me not to do
63. Ignoring me when I ask for advice because they are too busy
64. Ignoring me or not introducing me to people who come to the house or we see in public
65. Showing favoritism toward my brother or sister
66. Acting as if something I want is of little importance
67. Not feeling like I am special to them; It's so important to me to have my parents let me know, even in small ways, that I'm special to them
68. Seeing my father put my mother down, especially in front of company
69. Seldom touching me or holding me
70. Hearing Mom and Dad bickering at each other to the point where one of them is really hurt
71. Not trusting me
72. Making fun of something physically different about me
73. Seeing my mom and dad trying to get revenge against each other
74. Sensing that me dad never approves of what I do or how I do it
75. Not being able to control their anger
76. Getting mad at me because I can't keep up with their schedule or abilities
77. Making me feel like they wish they never had me in the first place
78. Not having enough time for me
79. Needing my parents but they are glued to the television
80. Seeing my parents spend a lot of money on their pleasures, but when I want something, they don't seem to have enough money
81. Making me feel childish
82. Not spending the time to understand what I am trying to say
83. Yelling at me when I already know I'm wrong
84. Making me feel like I hadn't tried to improve at something when I really had.
Posts
1 comment:
Thanks for Dr. Gary Smalley for sharing this one
Im above 30 now. since in my younger age till now, we dont have parents and daughter bonding even to my other sisters and brother. she will never accept even she is wrong, and she always criticizing,insulting, nagging,and more that sasama talaga ang loob namin, di ka pweding makipagtalo, palaging tama kahit mali namn siya. di mo pweding ipaglaban ang gusto mo dahil sabihin sayo LUMAYAS KA, di rin siya yong tipo magyaya kung saang saang lugar, in short KILL JOY, paanu naman namin sabihin na mali din siya? salamat sa dyab na binobrodcast nila ito sa radyo alam ko naman na narinig niya lahat yon, at sana magbago yong pananaw niya mahal niya kami, pero kulang ang ipinakita niya
Post a Comment