Tuesday, August 16, 2005

84 Ways Parents Offend Their Children

Eighty-four Ways We Can Offend Our Children

by Dr. Gary Smalley

In my counseling and work with children around the country, I have asked many of them how their parents have offended them. I took their answers and compiled them. Here are some of their actual responses.

1. Lacking interest in things that are special to me

2. Breaking promises

3. Criticizing unjustly

4. Allowing my brother or sister to put me down

5. Misunderstanding my motives

6. Speaking carelessly

7. Punishing me for something for which I already had been punished

8. Telling me that my opinion doesn't really matter

9. Giving me the feeling that they never make mistakes

10. Not being gentle when pointing out my weaknesses or blind spots

11. Lecturing me and not understanding when all I need is some support

12. Never telling me "I love you;" never showing me physical affection

13. Not spending time alone with me

14. Being insensitive, rough, and breaking promises

15. Being thoughtless

16. Never telling me "thank you"

17. Not spending time together

18. Being insensitive to my trials

19. Speaking harsh words

20. Being inconsistent

21. Being taken for granted

22. Being told how to do something that I was doing on my own

23. Nagging me

24. Bossing me

25. Feeling unnoticed and unappreciated

26. Being ignored

27. Not being considered a thinking and feeling person

28. Being too busy to care for me and listen to me

29. Dismissing my needs as unimportant, especially when their work or hobby is more important

30. Bringing up old mistakes from the past to deal with present problems

31. Teasing excessively

32. Not noticing my accomplishments

33. Making tactless comments

34. Liking me only for my physical looks or abilities, instead of what's inside me

35. Not being praised and appreciated

36. Being built up and then let down

37. Getting my hopes up to do something as a family and then not following through

38. Being corrected without being reminded that they love me

39. Being disciplined in harshness and anger

40. Not reasoning with me, and never giving me an explanation of why I'm being disciplined

41. Misusing brute force

42. Reacting to me in the opposite way I think a Christian should treat me

43. Raising their voices to each other

44. Not being interested in who I am

45. Cutting down something I am doing or someone I am with as being dumb or stupid

46. Using foul language when they are upset with me

47. Being impatient, which often comes across as rudeness

48. Saying "no" without giving a reason

49. Not praising me

50. Sensing a difference between what is said with the mouth and what is said through facial expressions

51. Making sarcastic remarks about me

52. Making fun of my hopes, dreams, and accomplishments

53. Punishing me severely for something I didn't do

54. Being distracted when I really have something to say

55. Insulting me in front of others

56. Speaking before thinking through how it will affect me

57. Pressuring me when I already feel low or offended

58. Comparing me with other kids at school and telling me how wonderful they are and that they wish I could do better

59. Forcing me to argue with them when I'm really hurt inside

60. Being treated like a child

61. Not approving of what I do or how I do it; I keep trying to get their approval but they just won't give it

62. Seeing them do the very thing they tell me not to do

63. Ignoring me when I ask for advice because they are too busy

64. Ignoring me or not introducing me to people who come to the house or we see in public

65. Showing favoritism toward my brother or sister

66. Acting as if something I want is of little importance

67. Not feeling like I am special to them; It's so important to me to have my parents let me know, even in small ways, that I'm special to them

68. Seeing my father put my mother down, especially in front of company

69. Seldom touching me or holding me

70. Hearing Mom and Dad bickering at each other to the point where one of them is really hurt

71. Not trusting me

72. Making fun of something physically different about me

73. Seeing my mom and dad trying to get revenge against each other

74. Sensing that me dad never approves of what I do or how I do it

75. Not being able to control their anger

76. Getting mad at me because I can't keep up with their schedule or abilities

77. Making me feel like they wish they never had me in the first place

78. Not having enough time for me

79. Needing my parents but they are glued to the television

80. Seeing my parents spend a lot of money on their pleasures, but when I want something, they don't seem to have enough money

81. Making me feel childish

82. Not spending the time to understand what I am trying to say

83. Yelling at me when I already know I'm wrong

84. Making me feel like I hadn't tried to improve at something when I really had.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for Dr. Gary Smalley for sharing this one
Im above 30 now. since in my younger age till now, we dont have parents and daughter bonding even to my other sisters and brother. she will never accept even she is wrong, and she always criticizing,insulting, nagging,and more that sasama talaga ang loob namin, di ka pweding makipagtalo, palaging tama kahit mali namn siya. di mo pweding ipaglaban ang gusto mo dahil sabihin sayo LUMAYAS KA, di rin siya yong tipo magyaya kung saang saang lugar, in short KILL JOY, paanu naman namin sabihin na mali din siya? salamat sa dyab na binobrodcast nila ito sa radyo alam ko naman na narinig niya lahat yon, at sana magbago yong pananaw niya mahal niya kami, pero kulang ang ipinakita niya

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